Friday, March 7, 2014

"...Fear is not an emotion. It's a disease..."

recently, i read in an online article that people who have bad ugly handwriting are actually brimming with creativity! and not only that, ugly handwriting also indicates an independent thinking ability. now, all this makes me feel very good about myself and i'm sure you won't find it difficult to guess why! ;-) 

however, the article also mentioned that ugly handwriting indicates a certain amount of emotional baggage and low self esteem or insecurity and emotional volatility. in my humble opinion, this sounds scarier than it actually is. but then, this opinion of mine can be a result of self consolation. a kind of trigger that we all generate when we are on a defense. we go in a justification mode of reasoning and try to argue out the critical observations made on ourselves.

such duel of thoughts tires my mind and stresses me out and i guess it's just part of the bigger cycle of emotions that usually follows every time i do an introspection. to cut the long story short, i must learn to tone down my excitement, my enthusiasm, my desire and passion towards people (and some materialistic things!)... i end up doing silly things and asking stupid questions that i think puts off other person in the conversation.

is it possible that i've yet to achieve some kind of emotional maturity? or this could be a facade that my subconscious creates to prevent myself opening up too soon in front of people? so that before i end up all exposed, i let the other fellow 'tune out' and already start disliking me?

 i think it's a mixture of both. but then, who am i to know the matters of mind? it's my heart that does the decision making for me. or at least that's what i think. i may have landed in trouble or badly hurt or felt dejected or mildly depressed just because i let my heart do the 'talking', i'm still letting it call the shots... at least for the time being... till then, pizza is what will comfort me!

"you can't break me any more, for i've been crushed already!"

Sunday, March 2, 2014

"One day someone is going to hug you so tight, that all of your broken pieces will stick back together."

I'm late. at about 2 in the morning i was blabbering on FB about writing a blog post. and not only i made a passing reference about my blog to Husky (not real name!) i also made a proclamation on my wall and the icing was that i tagged one of the oldest visitor of my blog who also happens to be an exceptional writer in addition to being an artist (if my memory is serving right!).

why I'm mentioning it here? i dunno. if you've read my previous posts you will see the pattern. there's a good possibility that i wanted to write about one thing and ended up writing about something totally different. and of course you can never guess what exactly i was trying to write about! this is not new. at least for me. the multitudes of thoughts and feelings that flood my mind can freeze my brain.

one possible reason could be that I'm merely trying too hard to put something here. for the sake of putting something here. maybe i do not have talent to put down my thoughts in a coherent manner. maybe my thoughts are never coherent. maybe I'm too harsh on myself. there are other important things that i should focus on. like making more money. getting married. raising a family. taking care of my aging parents. i guess this is sounding like a rant of Raju Rastogi and probably it is.

i think i need some more time to work on these things. or a call of action. self motivation? or maybe i just need a push. or tight slap? or sleep maybe. i think i should order a pizza. i think. at least there's someone in the family who's returning home! :-)