Friday, March 7, 2014

"...Fear is not an emotion. It's a disease..."

recently, i read in an online article that people who have bad ugly handwriting are actually brimming with creativity! and not only that, ugly handwriting also indicates an independent thinking ability. now, all this makes me feel very good about myself and i'm sure you won't find it difficult to guess why! ;-) 

however, the article also mentioned that ugly handwriting indicates a certain amount of emotional baggage and low self esteem or insecurity and emotional volatility. in my humble opinion, this sounds scarier than it actually is. but then, this opinion of mine can be a result of self consolation. a kind of trigger that we all generate when we are on a defense. we go in a justification mode of reasoning and try to argue out the critical observations made on ourselves.

such duel of thoughts tires my mind and stresses me out and i guess it's just part of the bigger cycle of emotions that usually follows every time i do an introspection. to cut the long story short, i must learn to tone down my excitement, my enthusiasm, my desire and passion towards people (and some materialistic things!)... i end up doing silly things and asking stupid questions that i think puts off other person in the conversation.

is it possible that i've yet to achieve some kind of emotional maturity? or this could be a facade that my subconscious creates to prevent myself opening up too soon in front of people? so that before i end up all exposed, i let the other fellow 'tune out' and already start disliking me?

 i think it's a mixture of both. but then, who am i to know the matters of mind? it's my heart that does the decision making for me. or at least that's what i think. i may have landed in trouble or badly hurt or felt dejected or mildly depressed just because i let my heart do the 'talking', i'm still letting it call the shots... at least for the time being... till then, pizza is what will comfort me!

"you can't break me any more, for i've been crushed already!"

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